Responsibility

Assalamualaikum wbt

Mawaddah is 1 month old today. How time flies, which reminds me of the 4-month backdated research work piled up just dusting away in my hard drive. And I really need to update my progress with my supervisors. I've been absent for quite some time; they must have 'missed' me by now.

Not that I'm totally burned out with my research, it's just that I get easily tired now. Physically tired, with this new sleeping pattern. I'm not the type of person who likes to take naps in the day, or wake up late in the morning. But I didn't get enough sleep ever since my later period of pregnancy and now with a baby in the family, I wake up late (the latest at 8.30am) almost everyday. Alhamdulillah, Hisyam is very helpful with Mawaddah and let me sleep on. Mawaddah is wonderful, although she does wake up in the middle of the night every 3-4 hours for her feed and nappy change. Sometimes she just wants a cuddle. What every baby wants.

I don't really want to write about my baby's routine; not that I'm unhappy or less enthused about her. Believe me, she's now the centre of my attention, and Hisyam's. That's why I thought writing on responsibility and obligation would make much better sense; not just being a parent, but being a person, period.

We started off not having any responsibility, and gradually our role evolve as we get older. I remembered my sister once told me that she wouldn't want to learn how to drive the car, as she thought it will require a lot of responsibility. And I remembered how I reminded her that she already has a lot of responsibility for just being human; as a child to your parents, as a sister/brother to your younger siblings, as a friend, as a student, as a being to its Creator. A husband/wife to your partner, a parent to your children.

I'm used to being the 'responsible' one. Being the eldest daughter, I always feel that my parents, especially my dad were 'extra' hard on me. As a teenager, who didn't understand (or at least refuse to understand) that the parents were just doing their job and responsibility to their child, I tend to disappoint my parents with my rebellious behaviour. To my everlasting regret, I'm sorry Mak, Ayah.

And now, I'm looking through their eyes, as new parents with a baby to care for. My experience so far, has taught me one thing (among others); the hardship and sacrifice of raising a child to every his/her needs. And imagined, how my parents felt when I raised my voice, when I talked back, when I disobeyed them. How rude. How ungrateful.

I still have the time to make up for my wrong doings. I still have the time to remind my siblings of appreciating Mak & Ayah and the importance of being respectful to them. Plus I now can educate my own daughter to become a better person than myself. This I promise, Insya-Allah.