It's life..

Assalamualaikum wbt.

As we are approaching Ramadhan in just approximately 3 days time, I've been doing a lot of self-thoughts; reflecting on my life from as long as I can remember until now, as a wife, a research student and a mother (soon, Insya-Allah). Perhaps, my life is not much different from others; once the rebellious teenager and daughter, few heartbreaks, humiliation, rejections, made a total fool of myself, did lots of things which I've regretted, excelled in major exams (Alhamdulillah), being blessed with parents who will accept and support me even after their hearts are constantly being hurt, did my masters in UK, traveled to foreign countries, met lots of friends along the way, met and married to a wonderful man, and now pursuing the highest degree that I've ever imagined.

There are times when I was being hard of myself; being overweight and obese most of the time, not attractive and anything similar to inferiority complex issues. I thought I was the most miserable person at that moment, with constant criticism from people around me. I've even thought of over-dosing myself with diet pills just to make myself thin instantly. When I thought about it, oh.. how did I manage to make a fool of myself to that extent? Life is too precious to be treated in such manner.

It's good to have people around you who have gone through bigger obstacles in their life; lost a parent or both, lost a child, once living in poverty (and managed to get out of it with hard work and perseverance), and even involved in life-threatening situations which later ended up with physical, mental and emotional disabilities. These people's experience will make you appreciate your life even more. Heartbreak from a never-meant-to-be relationship will hurt you, so very much especially when you put your whole self into it, but the feeling is nothing compare to the hearts who have lost someone dear to a tragic accident or sickness.

No one's life is perfect, including (especially) myself. The key is to never give up, you can cry and lock yourself from others for perhaps few days/weeks/months/years, but NEVER LOOSE YOURSELF. Take the time to reflect the things that you've done, and you've gone through and try to improve yourself (note to self). And always remember, the hardship will make you even stronger and more appreciative towards what you already and still have. Allah has planned our life from the beginning until the end, and He is the only one who knows how will our life turn out to be. I'm not a preacher, as I'm also still learning, but I just want to share my thoughts and perhaps be able to inspire my friends who are now facing the hardest time in their life.

To whom it may concern, I really admire your courage and strength, and I hope that you'll continue to be strong and optimistic towards your days to come. I hope you'll never give up and embrace the gift of life which we've been blessed for all these years. I'm not going to say that I understand how you feel, because I might not, but as a friend, I would not want any of you to feel that you've failed in life as there are still so many things for us to venture which later will help us learn more about ourselves and others.

As for me, I'm still working on self-improvement; trying to be less-opinionated (especially with my parents and husband), be more attentive towards my research, more responsible (and have more control) on what I'm going to spill from my mouth, and be a better Muslim, Insya-Allah.

Again, "Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan Al-Mubarak..."

August 2008

Dear readers (if I have any..),

Sorry for the long silence. Not really in the mood of writing. Perhaps being too critical in choosing a topic to write on, is holding me back. Oh well, throughout August;

1. I've been progressing rather slowly in my research work (tension headache occasionally + extreme laziness + not in the mood of writing, yes it has been the theme of the month). Plus, my supervisor is currently on his long holiday for the summer.

2. We've attended a 'majlis doa selamat' organised by Abg Sham & Kak Faiz in Wolfson College, Oxford Uni. Came back home with one satisfied tummy and happy feelings.

3. Both of us went to London (not our first trip) but it was our first trip to Portobello Market. At first, we intended to find new addition to our miniature house collection, but we only managed to get ourselves signature postage stamps and some old stamps for Ayah. From there we proceed to Msian Hall, where we had our lunch (sambal paru + rendang daging, nyum2) and met our friend from UTM KL who is currently in Newcastle. The highlight of the day, we had GBP100 extra in our pocket courtesy from a very generous stranger (a fellow Msian) who we prayed for long lasting prosperity and good health, Insya-Allah.

4. We are now slowly leaving summer and approaching autumn, and I'm having a bad flu and slight fever occasionally. Being pregnant, I was advised not to take Panadol Soluble which contains 500mg Acetaminophen (I've checked with my midwife). Not to take any chances, I'm sticking to Paracetamol (period).

Well, nothing much as you can see, but having a blog, I suppose I'm obliged to update it (aku ingat pesan ko Yeb).

To my family and friends, no matter where you are,
Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan Al-Mubarak. Semoga Ramadhan kali ini membawa keberkatan dan keinsafan kepada kita semua. AMIN.